Conversations at a Kissing Booth
by StrongHermione
Summary: When Hogwarts holds a Valentine's Day fair, Headmaster Dumbledore requests one of his professors to man a kissing booth. Said professor's spouse is not too enamoured with the idea. Completely AU, Post-Hogwarts, EWE?


Harry Potter is owned by JK Rowling et al. I make no money from the writing of this fan fiction.

I have not posted anything in a very long time. My muse left me when my health took a turn so I could concentrate on getting better (which I am now). Dragoon811 asked for a Valentine's Day Fair Challenge. _There is a Valentine's day fair and there's a kissing booth._ This inspired me. It is a short little one-shot to get me back into the groove. It is not beta'd, any mistakes are mine. It is mostly dialogue, I was trying something different. I hope you enjoy.

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Conversations at a Kissing Booth

The late winter afternoon was crisp but fine. Winter had been particularly cold and harsh. It was a risk holding an outdoor event like this in mid-February but they had been lucky. The grounds of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry were swarming with people on the first clear day in months, partaking in the activities on offer and visiting the myriad stalls dotted about the green.

A particular booth captured the attention of one of the professors who stormed over, irate with the sight.

"What is this?!"

"A kissing booth."

"Thank you for pointing out the obvious."

"Well, you asked."

"I meant, why do _you_ appear to be manning it?"

"Albus asked me for a favour."

"Oh, so suddenly you're at the beck and call of the headmaster?"

"When are any of us not?"

"That's completely beside the point! Why did you acquiesce to this particular request?"

"I thought it would be something different."

"Different? Well, thanks a lot!"

"I meant as in something I would not normally do."

A redheaded wizard approached. His face was a picture of slack-jawed disbelief. "Whoa! What's this then? Who'd want to kiss you?!"

"Ronald! That's not very nice!"

"I didn't mean… don't look at me like that, Hermione… I'll see you later."

"If I knew that look would be all it ever took to get rid of him…"

"Don't try to change the subject. You are manning a kissing booth! Despite the fact that we are married!"

"I have set the price at 100 galleons a kiss."

"Humph. Well, I suppose not too many people would be wandering around with that much money on their person."

"I can only think of one… well, well, speak of the devil and he shall appear. Lucius, how are you?"

"Exceedingly well, I must say. I'm surprised to see the two of you though… here."

"It's a Hogwarts fundraising fair, where did you expect us to be?"

"I meant specifically, _here_. At the kissing booth."

"We were just discussing it."

"My, my… that's rather a tidy sum to pay to be the recipient of a kiss from you."

"Lucius…"

"Never let it be said I did not do my bit to help Hogwarts raise some truly needed funds. Rather reminds me of the time we were caught under that enchanted mistletoe. Remember?"

"Remember? I've done everything I could to forge—mmpphh."

"Just like old times. Shall we go again?"

"Put your moneybag away or I shall summon your wife!"

"She would think it money well spent, I'm sure. Come on… one more for Hogwarts' sake."

"I don't thi—mmmppphhh!"

"You could use some work on that technique but I'm sure with the right… _motivation_… "

"Lucius Malfoy!"

"All right, that's enough. You're done traumatising him. He looks like a deer caught in the headlights."

"I am sure that means something in your… _muggle_… language. I shall take my leave, fare thee well." The blond wizard bowed theatrically before walking away. The pair left at the booth could see the shaking in his shoulders as he retreated. He was clearly amused.

"Pompous arse!"

"He kissed me!"

"Yes, he did rather."

"On the mouth!"

"I know, I saw."

"Twice!"

"Three times if you count the enchanted mistletoe. Care to share?"

"It was enchanted, the only way out…"

"How you both got caught there is more the question."

"There were a lot of people, it was dark… the less said the better really. It was not one of the finest moments of my life."

"It appears you made enough of an impression on him to encourage him to drop 200 galleons to repeat the experience."

"I'd rather not think about it."

Another redheaded wizard marched up to the booth, his Gryffindor bravado on full display. "All right, all right! Don't anyone ever say I didn't do my bit for Hogwarts!"

"George!"

"Weasley… don't even—mmpphh."

"Just like I always dreamed it would be! Hermione, you're a lucky witch to be able to plant a kisser on this one every day." George left as quickly as he had arrived.

"Kill me now!"

"You brought that on yourself. Still, did you think you'd raise this much money today? I had a look around all the other booths and they'll be lucky to raise half of what you have with only two customers."

"I never thought that—_Potter!_ Keep. Moving!"

A black-haired wizard with a well-known scar had stopped dead in his tracks, staring in disbelief at the booth. His best friend leaned forward conspiratorially.

"I would if I were you, Harry. As much as you hate the epitaph, I'm sure you would rather continue being the Boy-Who-Lived than the Idiot-Who-Tempted-The-Wrath-Of-Snape."

"Yeah… good advice." He hurried on.

"Are we done now? Can we close down this farce? Sybill, if you take one more step towards my husband I will hex you so far into next week no one will question your Seeing abilities again!"

A witch who had been approaching practically ran away, nearly tripping on the many long scarves draped about her person.

"I don't think I've ever seen her move that fast."

"She'll continue to the end of the earth if she knows what's good for her!"

"I'm curious as to why you were quick to shut down the one female customer who has approached. You couldn't have threatened to hex Lucius and Weasley before they accosted me?"

"They are both in committed relationships and clearly just out to get a rise. Sybill on the other hand… let's just say I will not be party to fueling any of her fantasies. If Minerva or Rolanda wants to donate 100 galleons to the cause I will happily observe."

"Bite your tongue, witch! Better yet, come here and allow me to bite it."

"Alas, I have only 20 galleons on me. I cannot afford such an extravagance as a kiss from you." She fluttered her eyelids at him.

"Who said anything about kissing?"

"I know where it will lead. And given past experience you are never satisfied with just one kiss. I would end up in the poorhouse within a minute and Hogwarts would be set for years!"

"How could I be satisfied with just one kiss from a goddess such as you?"

"Flatterer. I'm still not giving in. I'm serious! Albus probably charmed these booths to ensure everyone paid the proscribed prices and while we live a comfortable existence, I would rather spend our hard-earned money on books than something I can get for free anytime I want. I'll go to the elves' booth and spend my 20 galleons on sweets and cakes."

"Don't leave me here alone!"

"You were perfectly fine until I came along. I'll send Lucius back to keep you company."

"Just relieve him of his money bag first! You were right, Albus did charm these booths and, knowing Lucius, he brought a bottomless bag connected directly to his vault. He would think it worth the fortune he would drop just to make me more uncomfortable than he already has."

"Turn the tables, plant an enthusiastic one on him as soon as he gets here and it will shut him down. As I said, he's only doing it to get a rise."

"There may be merit in that suggestion…"

"I'll see you later."

"Wait, come here first."

"What…"

He placed his hands on her cheeks and drew her towards him, tilting her head to the side as he did so. Their lips met with assurance and love. One of her hands stole around his neck, the other buried in his hair as the kiss deepened. It was with reluctance that they parted.

"Mmm, that was quite nice."

"Worth 100 galleons?"

"Worth many millions more to me."

"We now owe Hogwarts 100 galleons."

"I think we can afford it, Severus, even if it means putting off book shopping for a couple of weeks."

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